If only it were as easy in video games to just throw energy out of your body.
The being, as I’ve come to understand it, is sorta definiable in terms of three entities. Mind, body, and spirit. They’re all really connected, so it doesn’t feel entirely correct for me to make a distinction between them, but they are distinct, and they do interact in particular ways.
The Mind is intellectual. It governs other things. You use your mind to tell your body to lift this arm and pick up that cup of milk. You use your mind to understand that 2 + 2 = 4.
The Body is the physical self, that being averything from your blood to your bones, everything about you which exists materially and occupies space in time, regardless of activity.
The Spirit is the emotional– the drive, the willpower, the feelings like happiness, joy, sadness, anger.
All three of these things have separate domains of expertise, but you’ll note that they interact with eachother through a series of feedback loops that multiply the consequences of situations.
Every now and then, one of these three things comes ot the foreground, and the other two sort of follow along, dragged into a situation because of strong foregrounding. Say you’re running to a restauarant in winter for your best friend’s birthday party, then you slip on a gutter and break your elbow. The body’s concerns become the focus of the trinity. Because the pain is very loud. It is VERY loud. Your Mind is probably confused– it goes into the furthest reach of the background, because your Body has taken over and is curled up, clutching the injured joint. Your Spirit is getting the feedback from your body, and that joy that you had a few moments ago is now replaced with fear. Your spirit doesn’t understand what happen, it’s not like the Mind– it just knows that the trinity has been hurt, and as such, it is afraid. The Spirit is afraid, so the Body curls up more. The Mind is asbsent, thrown in back.
Say you’ve just been dumped by someone you really, really loved. The Spirit feels loss, it’s an emotional void. The Body as a result of the lack of spiritual drive lack apetite, or goes the other way and has too much apetite– the depression, which affects the spirit, it triggers the Body and the Mind to come forward to deffend their fallen comrade. The Body tries to fill the spiritual void by doing things– eating more or less, sleeping more or less. The Mind tries to rationalize, finding reasons why it should /shouldn’t have worked. Feedback. The Body does it’s thing and the results of that feed back to the spirit– and the initial force of the reaction to the situation is mutated. In this way, for example, you get things like people saying they want to ‘hit something’– that’s the initial sadness, perhaps rationalized by the mind, and the body thinks it can release that energy through violence.
The means by which you connect with the world change depending on how long you allow yourself to soak in a situation.
When you look at people, I think what will characterize them is the order and the actions of their internal trinitys.
A person is sort of like a closed system. It has it’s own level of balance between the three. When something on the outside presses on a person, part of that force is absorbed as raw materials for the person to grow. But the rest of it, it has to be returned to the external system.
So say you’re in a great situation. You’re surrounded by friends, you’re having the time of your life– all that positive energy is coming in at you. But you can’t contain it. And that’s why you have fun with them. You end up joining the party, you are shouting with all your spirit, your body is going with the beat, your Mind, well, your Mind appreciates what’s going on. If you sit in the room where all that positive energy is hitting you but you don’t let it pass through you, if you just sit there and sulk, you feel bad. You feel something is wrong.
Conversely, when you’re in a bad situation, and all this negative energy is bombarding you, you need process it somehow. It cannot be simply internalized– there is only so much of it that you need to grow. You have to get rid of the excess, otherwise, it will wreck your hardware.
Right now, I feel that in the past few weeks, I haven’t been dealing very well with my energy transfers. When energy comes in to you, it’s the Mind who is the gatekeeper– that’s the special role of it. It can convert experiences around you into strength. But when the mind gets tired, or when the Spirit and Body start really protesting, even rationalization isn’t enough to keep strong emotion and physical reactions in check. And if the Mind knows anything, it’s that the functioning of the person is a harmony between the three– and so it has to give in, and I don’t mean by default– i mean that the Mind must give in to pure Spirit and Body at times when the balance becomes that tipped. The Mind can only take care of so much energy on it’s own– the other two need to be allowed to help.
The way I feel right now, it’s as if I’ve got all this… density. I’ve taken in too much. I need to get it out of me somehow. The meter is full. I need some way to throw it out of me. And yet, that would just be a temporary solution– because even if I work out all this energy, it will happen again. It always happens again. I’ve opened myself up to the world and the consequence is that I cannot close myself anymore– there is always so much energy around me, and I just soak it up like a sponge. I can’t just keep throwing it out. I need to find some way to let it pass through me, to get rid of the resistance that’s causing the overheating.
… sparring with the founder of Aikido, Ueshiba, was said to be like wrestling with an empty jacket. There was no ego in his movements, there was no agression, and on the flipside, there was no pacifism. He simply was what he was. Those who sparred with him said it felt like they were sparring with themselves, as if Ueshiba, when he wanted to, wasn’t even there.
And this is what I feel like. All this energy. All this inside me, but I am wrestling with an empty jacket that provides me with no satisfaction. This is my life. Certain problems, certain great problems, they are like large sparring partners who are strong and bigger than me– but that never bothers me. Those with confidence ? Those with history? They do not scare me, and in fact, to engage with these people is the joy of my life. My defeats are but setting the stages for my victory.
But that is only when i can find an opposition. If i can target something, someone.
At the end of the day, I find that I fight with myself. Because the hardest fight is actually the simplest one– the one where I wrestle with my own self. Where it feels like no matter what I do, this sort of opponent is as an empty jacket. It frustrates me to no end, it brings me to rage at times, rage to the point where I cannot move for fear of just doing something wrong. Only my Mind keeps my Body and Spirit in check at times, those latter two want to lash out and release that energy. The mind tries to internalize it, or to diffuse it.
Intellectually, I am very tired right now.