So, I’ve decided that I want to try and get into law.
This isn’t really a small thing for me. I’ve always been a gamer at heart, and by that, I mean that I seek fun through the exploitation of systems– I like to be efficient. At times, I’m OCD and like to hack away at a problem until I get it working the way I want it– even if that’s not how the game is supposed to be played.
Law school introduces a few new fears though. The first of which is that I’ll be playing in a system that is built on a tradition of regurgitation. It’ll be years until I can really hack thing the way I like to– the first half decade of study will be me memorizing things, which is the kind of study that not only I hate most, but I’m worst at.
Further, it puts me in a financial hole. If I go the course that I’m planning, I stand to be set back by about 100k. That’s one hundred thousand dollars. I have a fair amount saved up for someone my age– but not that much. That means taking out loans, and being the pauper student who lives in a one bedroom apartment for the next few years, never paying for anything outside of my budget.
And finally, it places a strain on family. The interesting thing is that if this was a few years ago, I’d say fuck it– who cares? I’m going to do this. It’s not exactly that I’m that much closer to family on the whole… but more like, we’ve come to understand eachother a lot better, and I’ve learned to compartmentalize. By compartmentalize, I mean, I can store the worst parts of family in this box that I choose to ignore. The reason for this is because 1000 years of Chinese tradition have made certain ideas simply untouchable– I might as well try ripping their DNA out of them, reprogramming it, and then shoving it back in. I might succeed… but it wouldn’t be them anymore, now would it? And those 1000 years of Chinese tradition come into direct opposition with 26 years of… well, me.
The plan is for me to apply to Law in a Juris Doctor program in Australia. I think I’ve lived a professional life after my undergrad that gives me a reasonably competitive application. While I was in university, I was caught up with a number of things and only managed to get a 70% overall average… that’s not good enough for any law school in Canada or USA, but it’s good enough for Australia, and it just so happens that [CM] is there too, which is no small motivation either.
I introduced the idea a couple of days ago to my parents… they were ecstatic at the idea of law, but less ecstatic about going to Australia. And by “less ecstatic” I mean, “not pleased at all.”
I don’t need their aprooval. I think that … realistically… with loans and stuff… I might not even need their money…
But, wouldn’t it be nice, I thought, in that stupid dreamy way, if my parents would, for a moment, just stop trying to be safe and efficient and conservative, and just think, you know, maybe for a minute, some other way than their own?
I don’t want them to feel abandonned or disregarded… but if those are the only options they’re giving me…
The earliest I could get into law school would be another half year, assuming I’m even accepted. I’m waiting until the end of December to apply because I’m going to be using grades from my masters as extra weight in my application. There’s still time for me to turn their opinion… just need to keep strong.
I wonder, sometimes, if I even care about their aprooval, or if it’s just… pity.