Suppression

by Jinryu

A third rejection email came in yesterday afternoon.

The thing about the situation now is that it’s a waiting game.  Things are, quite simply, out of my hands.  There’s no reason for me to think about any of this, because nothing can be changed.  Despite this, knowing what I need to do mentally and actually being able to do it are two entirely different things.  I know I just have to think about other things, and not worry too much about it– my advice of “don’t worry about things you’ve already done your best for” is pretty famous, but it’s hard to swallow my own words.  Perhaps it’s one of those things that is ideal in theory, but impossible to apply in reality due to human nature?

No, that’s not true– I know that there are situations where I have managed to discipline my mind to accept situations where I have no control.  This is just a bit tougher, because of the time-constrained nature of the situation.  In most other situations, I have unlimited chances to persevere through grit and determination– here, this is the last semester that I get this chance.   The stakes are high, because this is the play that will make or break it all.

I’m having a hard time getting into the new semester. Well, actually, I’m having a hard time sleeping.  It’s hard to get these things out of my head.

I’ve been doing things to distract myself. Judo and videogaming mostly.  I’ve been finding it difficult to read cases for law though,  because they inevitably trigger me thinking about clerkships. I wouldn’t say they cause anxiety attacks, but just thinking about clerkships causes this big mental block to manifest in my mind that makes me completely ineffective at anything law related.  Nonetheless… well, I can’t just not study, so I’ve been trudging at it.  But efficiency is pretty bad– I’m absorbing information at like 25% the efficiency that I normally would.

I don’t like just being a whiner, so I’ll write a bit of general stuff here to change the subject.  I’ll write a bit here about what’s been entertaining me lately as a means of getting my mind off things.

Television:

I just finished watching Homeland: Season 2.  Overal, it was interesting, and I would say it might be worth watching?  But I mostly watched it because I was already invested in the series so it was probably good to watch more.  Spoilers: Aside from Saul,  Quinn, and Brody’s daughter, I pretty much hate all the characters in this series.   They’re really annoying.  Although I’m sure that Carrie’s character accurately depicts someone with bi-polar disorder, she spends so much time with that quivering lip yelling and screaming expression that it really gets old.  Brody is just untrustable, because he can almost never say anything truthful, ever, to anyone, so even when he does say something truthful, the audience has no idea, and moreover, has no sympathy for him.  Actually, a watcher would have no sympathy for any of these characters, except for Saul, Quinn, and Brody’s daughter.

The main problem with the characters is that they are not people you would want to be friends with or have to work with in real life.  Basically, they’re a bunch of selfish assholes– and there’s enough of them in the real world, so why should I spend my free time escaping to a fictional world where it’s just more of the same?

 

Movies:

Promoetheus: Man, this movie looked great in trailers a few years ago, but in seeing it, it was garbage.  When I saw the credits and saw HR Geiger’s name on the designs, I guess it figures– everything pretty much looks like Alien fanfiction or something, but two decades too late.  Stay away from this movie– it’s a total waste of time.  Spoilers: If a giant wheel of an alient ship is rolling in your direction– do you try to outrun it along it’s path, or do you run PERPENDICULAR?  That scene was really frustrating.  Further, if an alien species created us, and then decided they didn’t want us and instead lead to the death of everyone on your ship, would you, the sole survivor, go to their homeworld to ask them why they hate us so much?  That’s just vanity and arrogance. And then that scene where the Alien-like creature spawns from the other extra terresterial– that’s the ending? Seriously???  This movie, I give way under 5/10 overall.  It gets points for technical designs and environment, but like I said, it just looks like an updated version of Alien, making use of a lot more CG.  It’s nothing interesting.  If this movie was produced at the same time as Alien or Aliens, it would still fall short.

World War Z: I give this a 6/10.  It’s not something you need to watch in theatres, but it’s passable.  The ending was rather anti-climactic.  It reminded me a lot of I am Legend in which they had created this interesting world and situation, but then dropped the ball with the scripting of the final scenes, making everything too easy in a sweeping deus-ex-machina sort of way.

Gaming:

Saints Row: The Third: Now this one is a classic I think.  It’s over a year old at this point, but I didn’t mind playing it for the first time just a few months ago.  The scripting is just hilarious and the scenarios are totally over the top.  I’m usually not much a fan of the whole open sandbox type game because it gets quite boring and repetitive after a while, but that’s because these sorts of games (Grant Theft Auto, Prototype, etc) usually lack a good storyline.  Saints Row’s storyline is just super clever.  It’s a character driven narrative with some absolutely hilarious moments.  Although there isn’t much character development per se, the game is a collection of some of the greatest action movie cliches, with a self-awarness of the cliches that allows the game to make fun of itself constantly.

Battlefield 3: Waste of time.  Just another FPS, but I suspect it  probably got super popular because it promotes this idea that America is good guys and anyone in a turban is a bad guy.  It’s kind of like watching Homeland, except that there’s no intrigue in the extremely badly scripted storyline.  The whole flashback from an interrogation room of two douche investigators is really annoying, so if you don’t have that story, you’re just basically shooting terrorists or military with tanks, airplains, and soldiers.  The attempt at the plot is so  poor, and the the characters so annoying, that it’s painful. You might as well be playing Counterstrike or something instead.  Gameplay is very clunky, music is forgetabble, character development and storyline is nil.  Avoid this one.  I especially hate FPS and TPS that show enemies and allies diong things like shooting from cover, while you’re taking instant kills from headshots because your own avatar isn’t capable of these actions.

Arkham City: Having enjoyed Arkham Asylym very much, and having been a longtime Batman fan before even the Michael Keaton movies of the 90s came out, I didn’t expect much from City because sequels to good things usually aren’t that great.  To my surprise, Arkham City was everything that Asylum did right, plus a whole lot of other features, including a lot more side story and replay value.  You could beat the game from start to finish and feel that you had lived you way through a well written comic book of the detective-Batman sort– with still that gritty, dark Frank Miller knock-their-teeth-out sort of feel.  Impressively, it manages to be a fighting game that develops on the greatness of the first, and part of the niceness of all that is that it’s using a completely different hand to hand combat system from a game like Devil May Cry or God of War type controls.

 

Catherine: This game was made by the folks at Altus, famous for Persona and other great japanese imports.  I’m not sure what I think of this game yet– the gameplay is quite one dimensional (you just solve increasingly difficult puzzles).  Admittedly, the puzzle nature of the game is quite interesting– it’s pretty challenging.  It’s like learning a new board game.  But that said, I wonder if that might get old once I play five hours worth?  Storyline is where this one is shining so far– you don’t really affect the progress of the story very much through your decisions, but if you were to look at the gameplay as just an excuse for an anime, the anime would be pretty intriguing!  So I’ll reserve my judgement on this one for until I’ve finished the game, but so far, I’m enjoying it.

 

X-Com: Enemy Unknown: This one is apparently available on iPad as well, and [Vittek] played this on PC.  The PS3 version is buggy to the point of being infuriating– extremely long load times, sometimes it crashes.  Sometimes the sound will just cut out until you reload a game.  Sometimes FMVs will display severe artifices.  Overal, it’s a terrible port.  But for what the game is when it works, this game is great.  I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoyed any of the original X-Com games.  If you’ve never played one, but you’re the sort of person who enjoys Tactics (Final Fantasy sorts, or other) or Disgeia games, you should try this one.  The similarity to the japanese turn based strategy games is very minimal, but I think that if you appreciate the thought processes involved in those kinds of games, you’ll definitely like this latest X-Com.  Even [CM] is playing it.

I beat the game on “classic” mode (hard mode) and it was really quite challenging.  There’s quite a bit of room for how you complete missions, depending on your style as a commander.

 

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