A Better Tomorrow
Some people walk in the rain; others just get wet.
It has been raining for over a week in Sydney now, and it has just recently cleared up. Despite that I’ve lived here for almost 3 years, I am still not used to this. In Montreal, we would get rain for a couple of days in a row usually, but never this much heavy rain over this many days.
I’ve always wondered: do we really want to change? And should there be some greater motivation for change, other than simple boredom?
There are a lot of cliches to either end of the argument. On one hand, change is good– growth is good. Adaptation to new circumstances and new experiences makes life interesting, and it is in contrasts that flavour is found.
On the other hand, why fix it if it ain’t broke? Is a pursuit of change actually a manifestation of an inability to be happy with what we have? Of confusing “settling,” with all the negative connotations that go with that, with “settling down,” in the sense of building a stable base and coming to appreciate what is right in front of us?
I guess it might be a bit of a moot point, because sometimes change happens without me actually choosing it. And sometimes, whether or not I embark upon changes, changes are demanded of me.
I’m on vacation now. Sort of. It has been a long time since I’ve used WordPress, and actually, that’s one of the changes that’s going on at the moment. Xanga, where I used to blog, is likely to be shut down, so I’ve revived this older blog and will learn how to use this engine to get my thoughts recorded.
I’m working on clerkship applications. The process is the same one I engaged in last year, except, since then– I’ve changed. A lot. I’ll tell you more about this in a future post.
I’ve become more self aware that [CM] and I are now living our “immigrant trials.” The way that our parents, and even more extremely, our grandparents, moved to a new country and did everything completely uphill? That’s us now. We’re on foreign soil and I never thought it would be this difficult. I think my experience teaching for over a year in South Korea made me glorify living abroad as a nonstop party– but that’s only if you’re living for the day, without any aspirations of change for a better future. If you land in a foreign country and do the English teacher thing, then you don’t need to change– you can stay the same and live in that suspended lifestyle. But who pulls the strings?
The difference is that CM and I aren’t here for that– we’re here to try and change. She can speak for herself. But for me? I’m finally doing something worthwhile with my life. I have a beautiful, smart, and courageous partner in CM. More than anything, I am lucky to have met her and to have kept her by my side. I’m finally using my brains for something other than hooliganism and small time gains– I’ve gone from a small micromanaged “gangster” mentality of benefiting the community in my immediate surroundings to trying to work for systemic changes within a system that I never dreamed of challenging head on.
Why all the change?
I don’t know. It is true that wanting these changes, wanting a better life, embarking on self imposed tasks comes with a lot of headaches and heartaches.
I can’t give a better answer at the moment than that I know that I have survived change in the past– and if nothing else than statistical probability, I believe that I will get to my holyland because every time I have tried, truly, I have ended up somewhere better.
These “new” blogs will continue my testament.