Eyes in Front
The Administrative Law paper I’m writing is finally coming together.
One thing at a time, I keep telling myself.
I had a bit of a breakdown the other day. I called home because an email from my mom told me that my grandmother is in the hospital for a red blood cell count of like 47. Normally, you’re supposed to have the number at about 150 or so.
A transfusion fixed that, and [Gramma] was immediately looking a lot better– as if she’d been rewound a couple of years, my mom tells me. Swearing at people, insisting that she wanted her bags so she could pack up and go back home. The problem is they don’t know what’s going on with her bone marrow, which is normally where blood is generated. Transfusions would normally fix that the blood count, but the problem is neutrofil. Gramma’s blood has almost no neutrofil in it, and it’s not something that gets transfused with blood either.
The job of neutrofil is to fight infections– so basically, Gramma’s immune system is very close to being totally offline. If it does go offline, like anybody with an auto-immune deficiency, even a common cold becomes something immeasurably dangerous.
I found this out at about 7:45 in the morning, Sydney time. When I got off the phone, I got back in bed with [CM] and basically wept. And then headed out to school for a 9AM class.
Aside from tackling the administrative law paper, due tomorrow, I’ve got a research proposal due on Saturday. I’m off my game, just finding it rather hard to concentrate. I went to run the Baduk Club yesterday, and played like shit. I played [VP], who in the past has been able to beat me; but I should have been able to beat him, had I not made about 3 major mistakes. I played one of the beginners and won, but again: I made huge, easy mistakes on several occasions. I had intended to go boxing, but somehow, lost one glove by the time Baduk was over (and what would I do at a boxing club with just one glove?)
My parents asked me to come back to Montreal right after final exams. Considering that lawschool costs me as much as it does, the plane tickets we’ll be buying for a high season rate will make it hard for us to afford me going back in September to celebrate [Zanshin]’s wedding.
So yeah, it’s been a pretty great past few days. Or something.
I’m not ready to start thinking too much about Gramma in the past tense just yet. I’m not at that stage where I want to reminisce and all that. She’s still alive, she’s still well. I’ve still got work to do.
I just need to stay focused.
Finishing the first draft of my admin has given me a bit of a moral boost. I just need to keep the momentum up. Get past these two deadlines first, and then take it from there.