Santa Claus is Comin ta Town

by Jinryu

… so I’ve been extra diligent.

I’m feeling pretty good about myself right now. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs over the past few weeks– been a stressed out, nervous wreck, which isn’t really like me. Just overworked.

But today? Today I feel good. Catharsis, or something.

Though that could be in part thanks to whatever is in the cough syrup I’m taking. It’s making me feel a bit… wonky and hyper, and that alternates with making me drowsy and dizzy. I passed out earlier in the afternoon when I applied my head to a pillow, and woke up 3 hours later wondering what had happened. It felt like I had just blinked.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been a paper writing machine. Like, I have been the OG of graduate school, churning out so much writing like you wouldn’t believe. Bitch be trippin’ writing, is what I’m saying.

But that’s not amazing on it’s own. The other part is that I’ve been working fulltime while doing my grad studies, putting in anywhere from 4 to 8 hours of overtime per week at work to deal with backlogged projects at the hospital, and, to top it off, I’ve been resisting illness. My grandfather and my dad have had bad coughs for weeks and I managed to resist for the longest time, although it finally caught up to me really bad a couple of days ago…. felt like their simple coughs though had mutated to a full blown flu. Had headaches, fever, nosebleeds, super congested sinus (couldn’t breathe or sleep). But I basically, like duct tape, applied time test methods– drank boiled ginger, downed a few pops of tylenol every few hours, wore 3 layers of clothes in my own bedroom (including a bathrobe over sweaters), read and wrote from under the warmth of my down feather blanket…

I’m telling you, I have been a really good boy.

There’s something different about this year though. I remember working like a madman when I was in South Korea during the summer intensives, when we worked something like 10 hours per day, 5 days a week for a month straight– at some point, I remember feeling dizzy at my desk, and barely able to stand without leaning, and i was in front of all of my students… I was feeling really, really hellish. And when I got home, I’d just collapse in bed. It was a downpoint in my existence I think. By the time Paladin came to visit me in SK, he was commenting how I looked like I looked like I was dying.

There’s a difference this time around though. The amount of work I’m doing feels similar, the conditions feel similar, but this time around it feels like I have some support. CM has been really good about being there for me– and I say that really importantly. She lives half a planet away, perhaps more, but she still manages to make me feel as if I can do it. The encouragement might just be a little line or two of text in Gtalk, or it might be the time she takes to watch a movie with me or something– but it reminds me that all the hard work isn’t just going to be endless and without any goals. Her being there for me makes me feel like I can do it.