Dentata

by Jinryu

At that point, [Jelly] breaks out into a song:  “Et si je pouvais decider / comment mourir, ma belle / j’te dis, je pourais pas choisir / car tu me rends immortel!”

(And if I could decide / how to die, my baby / I tell you, I couldn’t choose / because you make me immortal!)

[Jelly] is at once the most interesting and most annoying person in the department, and for the past two days I’ve had the pleasure of training under him for another specialty in the pediatric emergency department.  He’s who we call the “stocker” (prounounced “stalker”).  When you have a department with as high a patient turnover as the Emerg department, you need one guy who knows where, in the apartment sized stockroom, to find an interface for a rebreather and where to find a puppy dog lead and where to find a 3mL needleless syringe and where to find a band-aid.  Basically, anything you need in Emerg, if anything is where it should be, it’s thanks to him.  If you can’t find something, it’ll be thanks to him that you get it.

He’s over 50 years old and he’s mastered the department’s ins and outs as far as medical equipment goes, and he also knows basically everyone anywhere who has ever passed through the department.  He’s also really the only person alive who knows how to use the archaic inventory purchasing interface.   The interfeace basically runs like a BBS out of the early 90s, but monocrhome, without menus and without forgiveness– you have to enter commands, I shit you not, like “2.8.5.1.1” and that means “show me a list” and “2.9.5.11.2” which means “initiate purchasing.”  The interface is not meant for humans to use, but he knows how, and I’m learning.  If you use capital letters or miniscule letters in the wrong menu, the application freezes.

Which might be all impressive except for one of [Jelly]’s huge faults– it’s that he’s disgusting.

Jinryu says:
 my trainer
 is a total lecher
 i can’t stand training under him
 he’s a really nice guy
 but i fantsize about killing him every 10 minutes
Zanshin says:
 Well…  it could be worse.
 He could be a gay lecher.
 Wait, is he a gay lecher?
Jinryu says:
 actually
 he leches on women
 and men
 thankfully he’s realized that for him to lech on his trainee is totally going to be awkward because after he makes his comments, i’d still have to stick around
 he usually says his stuff in passing
 today, he was telling me that he could make women orgasm by touching them
Zanshin says:
 That’s…  awkward.  Why would you tell someone that.
Jinryu says:
 I KNOW!
 GOD
 and when I said NOTHING
 he went on
 “You know what I mean right?”
 “…”
 “I mean, you know what I mean when I say I can make a woman cum just by touching her?”
 “…”
 “Take Christina over here.”
 “………………”
 (Christina isn’t paying attention because she’s talking to someone else.)
 “If I wanted to, right now, bam!”
Zanshin says:

 Is he…  trying to impress you?
Jinryu says:
 no
 I don’t think so
 i hope not
 he’s like
 50
 and he behaves like a sesame street character
 he’s like
 a big muppet
Zanshin says:

 But…  with sex?
Jinryu says:
 that’s the battle aura he gives off!
Zanshin says:
 The concept of a sex muppet terrifies me.
Jinryu says:
 I don’t understand it!
 Every time he’s nice to children I don’t know if I want to say “awwww” or “get the fuck away from that kid!”
 he’s totally fucking with my threat assessment radar
Zanshin says:
 Maybe you should slay him with untraceable poison just to be on the safe side.
Jinryu says:
 i thought about that
 but the problem is that he’s indespensible
 I’m convinced that he’s demented
 in the true, clinical sense of the word
Zanshin says:
 …until you can replace him!
Jinryu says:
 but only someone with his kind of OCD can run the stocking of this department
 i don’t think anyone CAN replace him
 it’s not just a question of ability
 it’s  a question of loyalty to the numbers
 it’s like… when he interfaces with the purchasing application
 it’s just numbers!
 there are no WORDS
 this isn’t like
 DOS
 or Linux
 this is … numbered codes for commands
 and he knows them all!
Zanshin says:
 If there’s one thing that hagwon life has taught me, it’s that when your organization needs one person to survive…  your organization is a dead man walking.
Jinryu says:
 it is!
Zanshin says:
 And not in a survivable way, like a zombie, but more like Tony Stark without a charged battery.
Jinryu says:
 it IS
 yes
 an alcoholic with nuclear capabilities is a great example
 what we have here is a sexual deviant working in a childrens’ hospital
Zanshin says:
 Well…  he’s just focussed on sex.  That doesn’t mean he’s a deviant.
 Not necessarily, in any case.
Jinryu says:
 when he plays gay chicken with people at work
 with his tongue
 i think it’s scary.
Zanshin says:
 Eeeeeewwwwwwwww.
Jinryu says:
 But you know, maybe that just makes me homophobic.

I mean, I’ve always known that [Jelly] was kinda… shall we say… “special,” but it wasn’t until I started working with him closely that I was privy to director’s cut.  And all I can do is shudder.

And let me tell you, there aren’t a lot of things that make me shudder.

Is it so strange that a few times a day, I feel like knocking out my trainer’s teeth?


A couple of days ago, I went to the dentist.  It’s the first time I’d been to a dentist in Montreal in a lonnnnnnnnnnnnng time, probably about two years now.

“Uh… what do you mean,” I said into the phone, “I don’t have dental?”

“Your current plan doesn’t it cover it, Mr. [Jinryu],” explained the man. 

“Really?”

“Really.”

I ended up forking out my Mastercard and paying a lump sum of 230 or so Canadian dollars.  I was a bit peeved, but then, that wasn’t anyone’s fault here.  But I must admit– I’m not made out of 200 dollar bills, so that hurt my wallet quite a bit.

“You should have paid with a well placed side kick and then filled out a satisfaction survey and left it on the corpse of the receptionist,” came the SMS from [Terminator].

Agreed.


Looking over the insurance that I’m on at work, I’ve come to the conclusion that this is okay.  The amount I’d pay in premiums for the added dental would still add up to about 300 dollars more than the total amount of dental checkups I could do in a year (once every 6 months) and since I have no problems with my teeth whatsoever (much to impressed dental tech’s amazment) it’s not a big deal for me to pay about 500$ worth of cleanups per year where I’d be paying something like 800$ worth in insurance.

Unless, you know, someone curb stomps me tomorrow.  Cause you know, then, budget wise, I’d really wish I had that 80% coverage dental insurance.

I mean, the amount of extra things I get for signing up for the extra insurance… acupuncture? Physiotherapy in case of accident? Prosthetics in case of accident?

I don’t know why but I just find that even reading about all the things that go wrong and how many dollars they’ll pay me to do it wrong is kinda creepy.  I feel that by buying insurance for those sorts of physical disabilities is like I’m putting money on a bet that says “yeah, you guys just WATCH, I’ll get this if it’s the last thing I do and then you’ll see it was worth it.”

Regardless, I might actually sign up for the better insurance because if I decide that I want a new pair of glasses, I could spend a good chunk of that 300$ difference and also be insured against curb stomping.  I haven’t quite jumped on the bandwagon though because, frankly, that’s all a luxury– I don’t need new glasses, and I don’t intend to get any major dental work done any time soon…

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