dal niente


The other day while I was at work,

I gave a death glare to a toddler at work who had suddenly came to my side and reached up to tug on my wrist with both of his hands.  He probably wanted nothing at all, his intent was harmless, but as his small hands went around my wrist and his muscles flexed his grip, every alarm in my body went off.  I snatched my hand back, backpedaled a step and was suddenly on the balls of my feet.  He’d come out of nowhere.

You see,

last week at Numac, I got caught twice with the full brunt of two roundhouse kicks, meant to cut me in two at the waist, but managed to block them just at the last moment with my arm.  The incoming shin dealt a lot of damage to my forearm at the area really close to my wrist– nothing’s broken, but the bone bruised and even a week later, even touching it hurts.  So even when some little kid just tries to hold my hand, it feels like someone is trying to break my arm.  Naturally, probably not  unlike anyone else out there, my usual reaction to the sensation of my arm getting stressed to that extent is that my ‘killer intent’ comes out, I can’t even control it.

This is the second time that that’s happened.  When I injured my foot way back in february or so, while I was at work, an errant kid was running past me at work and stepped on my instep, sending shooting pains all the way from my foot right to my head.

I think that this is where a certain amount of training is necessary, but I have no idea how to go about it.  The thing is, I’ve developed a few reflexes from a standstill non-combat situation.  I roll with damage, I absorb hits, I bend to prevent joint damage, I go limp or breakfall when my balance dissapears.  Doesn’t always work but if a situation arises that my body is accustomed to, it reacts on it’s own.  I’ve prevented a lot everydaylife injuries from having some of those things hardwired in over the years.  But there are occasions where I just overreact.

And while a self-deffensive reaction is useful… I think it’s bad because it’s … “auto-pilot.”  I mean, if the world were full of dangerous people, maybe that would be useful.  But the fact is, there are more normal, non-hostile people out there in modern society than there are hostile people, so that kind of reaction to accidents is just too much.  I suppose I just need to be more aware about my surroundings and process everything in real time instead of reacting to things so much.

That said, there’s something really different about children.  They’re completely different as far as their ‘intent’ signatures go, and it’s something that I noticed while I used to be teaching, especially with students who were very young.  Part of their deadliness is that they don’t know the inappropriateness or the dangers of what it is they’re doing sometimes– and thus, their body language is different from grown adults.  By all rights, unless they’re holding sharp objects, anyone shorter than my chest really shouldn’t rank very high on a threat assessment, but we shouldn’t discount what we know of minjas (midget ninjas).  A lot of their ability comes from stealth and the ability to hide their auras in plain sight.

Children just naturally go with the flow of things and in some ways mask their intentions, allong them to deliver critical attacks without us even seeing them coming.  They’re able to penetrate into my personal space without setting off any of the same alarms that an a adult might, and they get you from angles you don’t expect.  Not only that, but after they’ve landed a first attack, the lack of any aura signature laced to the attack makes it momentarily confusing, and leaves you open to a follow up.

Children have this natural ability to them that I envy in some ways.  For them, it’s so much simpler to just go forth with action without hesitation.


ReCharging Super Meter

I had a discussion with SiB the other day and part of it concluded that we have very different ways about going about asking a girl out.

It might be a bit oversimplifying to say so, but for him, it’s easy.  He just does it.  He doesn’t need to know the girl on any meaningful level except that she’s cute and speaks English, and just like that, he can ask.  No hard feelings if he gets rejected– after all, he doesn’t know her, so what’s the harm done?  The trick is– don’t get any feelings involved.  “The moment feelings get involved,” he said, “I’m finished.”  It struck me as a really, really strange way of looking at it.  But then, I guess I understood a few things about it.  The first is that he’s never dishonest about his intentions, and he’s perfectly honest with whoever that he’s asking out that he doesn’t know where this is going but that he’s willing to give it a shot if she is.  The second is that — simply– he’s not afraid of opening that door

Me, on the otherhand, I won’t ask out someone I know nothing about– I guess what I’m saying is that I overthink things.  I get to know her better and I basically fall more and more for her, and then at some point it’s just madness– because at that point, I’m afraid that asking her out will ruin the relationship we’ve got up ’till now.  Most other things about life become a distracting chore, at times welcome ones.  I spare no idle thoughts, because they will wander to whoever she is and the idea of opening that door.

So much of the scenario is me running simulations in my head that it’s barely even real at all anymore.

Ironically, therin liest the difference between fiction and reality– fiction makes sense.

I called her up today to ask her out, finally.  Figured that an hour before the end of Canada day was as good as any.  I had spent the the evening hanging out with my family and later in the night, I was down at the Jazz Festival.  I think it’s a habit I picked up in Korea, but I like wandering through huge crowds where everybody is focused on something and I just move about without really being noticed or recognized by anyone around me.  It feels nice to be part of something huge and living like that without actually being responsible for any of it.  I think I like that — action and energy, but without responsibility.

So I was feeling pretty good about myself.  The first time I had gathered up the courage to ask, she wasn’t where I thought she was since I went to just drop in on her in person.  This was the second time that I’d gathered myself up, and decided to give her a ring– response?

“The person you are trying to reach cannot…”

Seriously, it’s not even funny.